A Study in Inertia

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 17:39

Yesterday, a very good friend of mine handed in his masters thesis.  Bar a few academic formalities to come in the next couple of months, he has finished an academic career of 17 years.  We’ve trudged through the academic quagmire together since 1999.  Congratulations, man, I proud of you and am sure that your post-academic life will be happy and fruitful!

A few of my other friends are still finishing up their theses.  They are only going to hand in on the second opportunity, which means they’ll only graduate in March.  After that, a class moves on, a generation vanishes, a remnant dies.  Of the hopeful, wide-eyed first year B.Sc. (mathematical sciences) class of ’04 would be no more.  I’ll still be here, as well as a couple of physicists and maybe a mathematician, but we’ll be the scatterlings of a remnant.

And that is a sad thought.  For me, at least.  The thought of remaining behind.  Of not finishing In Time.  It is not about finishing within the Expected Period: I’ve gotten over that “prestige” complex long ago.  No, it is about losing that camaraderie.  It’s no secret that I’m very sentimental and things like this get to me in one way or the other.  But it is not only that: it’s the Desert Island Complex: being the one left at the station because he missed the bus.

So one has to ask: why?  How did it happen that a third year is necessary for my M.Sc.?  Like just about anything in life, there is no simple answer.  But if a simple answer is to be given, it would be: that I worked part time in my first year.  Worked two jobs part time, in fact.  And that is a fair assessment: for two plus days a week for a whole year, I was tied up elsewhere.  When I got home in the evening, I was too tired to work.  So I had 3/5 of the time people who weren’t working had.  (But, in reality, that was closer to 2/5.)  But, leaving it at just that would be over-simplifying.  Moving on a year later, I had learned my lesson and quit my job.  I the scope of my work at the CS department was even reduced.  But still I vasted unaccomplished this year.  Why?  I’ve come to the conclusion that it was because of inertia: mine, first and foremost, and others’ as well.

From my side I have not been very dedicated and committed to work.  I bowed down to sloth and procrastination: “There’s always tomorrow.”  Then strangely enough, I awoke one-day and found that I’d run out of tomorrows.  That was quite a shock.  Now I’m trying to make up for it.  A year seems like a long time still for doing a lot of work in, but from experience I know now that it isn’t.  Prayer, and sweat and tears spilt in silence is all that is going to help now.

But I am also willing to point the finger once it has passed by me.  I can’t really blame others for my woes, but this year has been an expensive lesson in bureaucracy.  For example: at the very end of last year I decided to make a survey for children who have Asperger Syndrome and their parents.  I had a couple of reasons for doing this, which I’m not going to go into now.  My supervisor loved the idea.  Neither she nor I had done anything like this before, but dove right in with gusto.  We spent months designing, re-designing and fine tuning that blasted survey.  Finally we arrived at something adequate—something to almost be proud of, even.  Next step was to get clearance from the university’s board of ethics.  After a blunder on the first attempt, I submitted my request for clearance in July; I have yet to hear a single word on whether it was approved or not.  A recent query was met with silence.  And so I learned yet another little lesson: in academia, if you have to deal with someone whom you have never seen before and whom you don’t know, you are probably going to be either treated rudely or not at all.  I hope this is not true for most other universities (or even for the whole of Stellenbosch), but I’ve had my fill of submissions and request.

Lastly: my supervisor keeps me one a fairly loose leash.  This can be a Good Thing, but I’ve turned it into something bad.  I usually don’t do new year’s resolutions, but one for 2010 is going to be to get her to keep me in line.

So, what conclusions can be drawn from examining the factors which have led up to my current predicament?  A few pointers:

  • Don’t dream big.  This is going to be tempting when you start doing a masters (the word “thesis” is so grand, after all).  But you aren’t going to change the world.  Chances are, two years after you’ve finished, no-one except you will remember what you did and your work will effectively be lost.  (If you really want to change the world, go join a “cause” on Facebook.)
  • Don’t have ideas.  Don’t make suggestions for improvements to your project to your supervisor: that is their job.  Your job is to be the dumb, mute workhorse.
  • Be annoying: badger people to whom you’ve made submissions and need feedback or other sort of answer into submission (and admission).
  • Be accountable.  If not to your supervisor, then to someone else.  Nothing makes goofing off as easy as not having someone look over your shoulder.  Big Brother is your friend.
  • Have a clear plan according to which to work to.  This is especially important for computer scientists.  Formulating this plan might very well be more than doing the actual work, but it will guide your ship safely and timely into the harbour of graduation.

And I’ll throw in a couple of freebies as well.  While doing your masters:

  • Enjoy yourself.  A time will come when you realise that you need to buckle down or throw in the towel.  Then you’ll sweat and
  • Diversify: get away from your subject matter and field.  Or else you’ll end up hating it much sooner than is necessary and you’ll probably end up bitter and uninteresting to boot.

But all is not doom and gloom, boys and girls.  I have been blessed to make a whole bunch of new friends at the church I am attending.  I look forward to spending another year there and am eager to serve there.  By no means do I think is staying in Stellenbosch for another year something which needs to be lamented.  But it is always so nice to complain anyway, isn’t it?

GeekDinner September 2009: Precocious Persimmon

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 12:51

Last night was GeekDinner time again!  As I pulled up to our venue for the evening, Capello, I was greeted by a loud speaker with thumping bass inviting people inside from the ferocious Cape Town wind, like a foghorn calling out to lost souls.  The inside was cosy and I really liked the “gangster” theme mixed with the bright floral themes.  It’s difficult for me to put into words, so it will have to suffice for me to say that I really liked the feel of the place.

Unfortunately I was rather tired last night, so I didn’t get the full experience of the evening.  But lets run through the vitals.  A buffet is always a winner and Capello gave us a descent one: starter, mains and dessert, I found something I really liked in them all (although the dessert wasn’t a buffet).  The minestrone was simply delicious and, as an Afrikaner, I felt very much at home with the “rys, vleis en aartappels” selection from the buffet.  (Pasta with mussels and livers were also available, of which I obviously steered clear.)  I also thought the service was great: the waiters were really professional and “played” their role really well to fit into the restaurant’s theme with their fedoras.  They seemed competent, at ease and even as if they were enjoying themselves, which helps a lot to influence the vibe of the dining experience.  Sadly, the restaurant seemed indifferent to “strict” vegetarians, which is always a shame.  I cannot, however, comment on the restaurant’s menu proper, as I didn’t see it.

The talks were good and really had (and kept) my attention.  The “experimental talk” we had, though, promoted some severely subjective (and unfortunate) views, but at least there was full disclosure on this fact.  Henk Kleynhans did a good job with the slideshow karaoke, although whoever was in control of the slides did not seem to be, uhm, in control.

Last, but not least, was, of course, our generous wine sponsors Delheim who provided us with top quality wine.  Thanks guys, you’re awesome and I really enjoyed it!

So, that’s my story.  If you couldn’t make it this time, I hope to see you at the next GeekDinner!  A big thank you to everyone who had a hand in organising the evening and bringing everything together in the end.

Twitter Poem

Saturday, September 26, 2009 1:11

Wash wash wash
The ebb and flow of light
Stirs me
And calms raw nerves.
Goodnight

http://twitter.com/wessven/status/4380635306

Soms wens ek dat my tesisonderwerp meer soos hierdie was…

Thursday, September 24, 2009 21:56
HM: Hi! Kan ek gou ‘n RW vragie vra?
me: goforit
HM: Ek’t al 3 mense gevra en niemand kan my sê nie… Ok here goes ek’t ‘n step-function/lookup function Pkill. Pkill het 5 waardes as my vliegtuigie invlieg, bereken ek sy afstand na die wapen toe. as die afstand binne ‘n sekere interval is, word ‘n sekere waarde uit Pkill aan hom toegeken bv. as hy 3 eenhede weg is, is Pkill=0.5 my vraag is….. moet ek die step function volgens ‘n spesifieke patroon define, bv [10,20,30,40,50] of kan ek iets soos [10,30,40,50] of [0,30,40,50] gebruik? en mk dit saak?!
me: ok, eerstens: daardie is by verste die coolste stuff wat iemand vir my nog vanuit tesiswerk vertel
HM: LOL

HM: Hi! Kan ek gou ‘n RW vragie vra?
me: goforit
HM: Ek’t al 3 mense gevra en niemand kan my sê nie… Ok here goes ek’t ‘n step-function/lookup function Pkill. Pkill het 5 waardes as my vliegtuigie invlieg, bereken ek sy afstand na die wapen toe. as die afstand binne ‘n sekere interval is, word ‘n sekere waarde uit Pkill aan hom toegeken bv. as hy 3 eenhede weg is, is Pkill=0.5 my vraag is….. [...]
me: ok, eerstens: daardie is by verste die coolste stuff wat iemand vir my nog vanuit tesiswerk vertel
HM: LOL

The Psychology of Concentration: Thesissing Music

Monday, September 7, 2009 23:27
At present, many of my fellow masters students are in a rush to finish up their theses.  First opportunity hand-in deadlines have become a bit blurred and the ones aiming to hand in for the second opportunity are spurred on to finish up as quickly as possible.  So, there is a lot of hard work going on at the moment—well, sincere aspirations to hard work, at least.
Everyone has his or her own ways of blocking out distractions (even though the Internet usually voids these methods).  Many—if not most—of us turn to music.  There are many different tastes and schools of thought out there for what exactly is the best music for concentration: from jazz to Smashing Pumpkins; from Live and Muse to Swedish pirate metal (yes, that is a real genre).  Personally I have used baroque and KFM, among others, in the past.  But from the beginning of this year, I’ve also been moving towards a particularly niche taste.  I know of other people who use movie soundtracks to block out the rest of the world.  But I’ve turned to a particular flavour of game music; a genre which my flatmate tells me is akin to EBM.  This doesn’t mean that I’m becoming a goth, however.  But if you think about it a little, one realises that the right game music can be a perfect solution.  For big and popular games, the soundtrack is not haphazardly flung together, but rather it is carefully composed to fuse art and psychology.

At present, many of my fellow masters students are in a rush to finish up their theses.  First opportunity hand-in deadlines have become a bit blurred and the ones aiming to hand in for the second opportunity are spurred on to finish up as quickly as possible.  So, there is a lot of hard work going on at the moment—well, sincere aspirations to hard work, at least.

Everyone has his or her own ways of blocking out distractions (even though the Internet usually voids these methods).  Many—if not most—of us turn to music.  There are many different tastes and schools of thought out there for what exactly is the best music for concentration: from jazz to Smashing Pumpkins; from Live and Muse to Swedish pirate metal (yes, that is a real genre).  Personally I have used baroque and KFM, among others, in the past.  But from the beginning of this year, I’ve also been moving towards a particularly niche taste.  I know of other people who use movie soundtracks to block out the rest of the world.  But I’ve turned to a particular flavour of game music; a genre which my flatmate tells me is akin to EBM (apparently).  This doesn’t mean that I’m becoming a goth, however.  But if you think about it a little, one realises that the right game music can be a perfect solution.  For big and popular games, the soundtrack is not haphazardly flung together, but rather it is carefully composed to fuse art and psychology.

Disclaimer: The following discussions may contain spoilers, even though it was not intended to be so.  If you plan on playing any of these games, perhaps skip them when reading through the list.

Here are the soundtracks I’m listening to at the moment and which I particularly like:

  • Half-Life 2: The successor to the legendary FPS Half-Life, Half-Life 2 (and its subsequent episodic expansions) have strong dystopian overtones.  Playing Gordon Freeman, you have to lead the Earth’s resistance fighters to throw off the shackles of their trans-dimensional alien oppressors.  As a well-balanced FPS, it features some heavy battles at times.  Typically during these battles (usually when facing off against a “boss” creature), a specific music track would be played.  The music is designed to aid the gameplay experience: force concentration on the task at hand while helping the player’s adrenalin to start pumping.  The music is remarkable effective at this, and that is why I like it.  When it starts playing, I find myself completely focussed and amped for the task at hand.  My personal favourites are the tracks which come from Episode 2 (the second instalment of the episodic expansions).  Unfortunately the tracks from the original game are a little too short to be effective, but queued in sequence in a playlist it could still be useful.
  • Portal: Portal shipped as part of the “Orange Box”, which also contained the games Half-Life 2 Episode 2 and Team Fortress 2.  Also a FPS, it is atypical as it trades violence for environmental puzzle solving.  In the game, you, the player, are trying to survive a series of experiments by a mad AI.  You are effectively a lab rat playing within lab conditions.  The music is non-intrusive and helps you to concentrated on solving the current puzzle, while also ever so slightly hinting at something deeper and sinister going on behind the scenes…
  • Eve Online: I have to admit that I have never played Eve Online.  Even though I wanted to, I was warned that the game takes a lot of time to play properly and time is something I don’t have in abundance at the moment.  Eve Online is a MMORPG set in space.  Think “World of Warcraft with spaceships”.  Some of the in-game music tracks are available to download free from the Eve Online website.  The ambient music is peaceful and soothing, while other can get a player really riled up.  Its job is to help keep a player focussed on the task at hand for all the hundreds and thousands of hours necessary to play this game properly.
  • Command & Conquer: The Command & Conquer series of RTS games was one of my first personal favourites.  Call me sentimental, but I really like Frank Klepacki’s work in these games.  Klepacki composed the bulk of music for the Command & Conquer games for years.  All the way through from Command & Conquer to Tiberium Sun (including the expansions), the music accompanies a player as he micromanages his base, defends his base from enemy attacks and plan attacks; something I’ve done for countless hours.  Starting in the mid 90′s, this is the oldest of this genre of music I have which I am discussing.
  • Deus Ex: Bringing more nostalgia to the table, Deus Ex is another FPS featuring a strong story of a dystopian world on the verge of collapse and the conspiracy theories surrounding it all.  This game inaugurated the new millennium along with The Matrix.  The music highlights the gothic undertones of the game.

So that is my story for today.  If you know of any other similar music or games, I would appreciate it if you could let me know: I’m always looking to expand my cultural horizons!

A Year of Augusts

Friday, August 14, 2009 22:37

This August marks the fifth anniversary since I started blogging.  Yay!

I wish I could say it has been a long time.  A lot has happened.  These days I have a sense of having come full circle; of having again reached a point in my life at which I was a long time ago.  A time before this blog.  And I feel good about that: I am glad at having found a spiritual home here in Stellenbosch and, most importantly, again realising the ever present comfort in the arms of my Father and my Saviour.  And growing again.

What has happened in five years?  While not a long time, it does feel as though I gained a lifetime of knowledge at varsity.  But I am growing old and the bones are starting to creak.  Soon I shall leave the halls of academia so that a next generation can be filled with the richest of the knowledge the world has to offer.  And I?  I shall move on to my next pedagogue: life without a safety net; a cleansing of illusion of knowledge—just like I experienced when I started at varsity.  But this still won’t be too soon, though.

Five years ago I knew love.  Then I knew love.  And now I know love.  I knew love a priori; through my keen sense of quiet observation and infallible logic and reasoning, I entered adulthood with confidence in the area of love.  Then I fell in love and into a relationship, and learned that I don’t have a clue.  Now yet again I am grappling with a new perspective on love.  Like the word “life”, I suppose love also does not have a universally accepted definition.  Makes one think, doesn’t it?

There have been changes in my family and in my friends.  Some good, some not so good.  I cherish my family and my friends, but again it is something I do not have control over.  Memories of what was can be heart wrenching (something I have been experiencing particularly strongly of late).  But I am thankful for the people whom I have around me now.

Even at this very moment—in this very August—the wheels of change are forcefully turning.  I feel I have reached a watershed in my dealings with certain people.  I am acutely aware of my own fragility and of time running out fast.  I aspire and I dream.  I weep and my heart is heavy and uncertain.  I feel the pangs of restlessness.  I savor contentment like a rare spice.

If only I could put all these things into words.

I wish I could say that five years has been a long time.  But it hasn’t; only a lot of stuff has happened.

Flu Follow-Up

Wednesday, August 5, 2009 23:43

I went to the doctor again today. It seems like my heart is a-ok and, given the circumstances, I’m in good health! He did prescribe more cabin fever, though. Maybe I should start better capitalizing on all this home-time…

I heard that another H1N1-related death has occurred in KwaZulu-Natal.

H1N1 Continues its Rampage

Tuesday, August 4, 2009 12:47

Contrary to what I had believed, the local outbreak of H1N1 has claimed the life of a student here at the university of Stellenbosch.  My thoughts and my prayers are with his family.

My conditioned and I went to campus health services on Friday, who agreed that it was the flu.  The doctor didn’t think it necessary to test for H1N1 as the medication and advice would still be the same: antibiotics and rest.  Today I’m back at Stellenbosch after having gone home for the weekend.  I feel better, but there is a strange feeling in/on/around me heart which is worrying.  This, together with the oddities I’ve mentioned previously about the disease has led me to a self-diagnosis of H1N1.  I’ve decided to stay home (well, not go into the office) for the rest of the week, as far as possible.

A lot of Capetonians have been taken down by some disease or another in the past week or so.  On the radio earlier it was said that there are about 600 confirmed cases of H1N1 here.  The actual number of infected is sure to be higher, as a test would have cost me R700 and would not have been covered by the medical aid fund.  Fun.  Authorities are now stepping up prevention and treatment campaigns following the news of the death of the Maties student.

H1N1 Hits Stellenbosch Campus

Thursday, July 30, 2009 11:02

By now its old news, but H1N1 has finally hit Stellenbosch campus.  By Monday there were at least two confirmed cases; I suspect that number has increased now.  But, I’m not too worried about it.  H1N1 has been massively hyped up by the media, but the mortality rate of regular flu remains higher.  I did speak to someone yesterday who is very nervous about contracting the disease: not out of a fear for himself, but for passing it on to his small children.  That is an understandable concern.  But I reckon the rest of us “young adults” will be alright.

The timing could have been better, though.

Half of the Cape (let alone Stellenbosch) has been taken down by what I guess is a swarm of various seasonal diseases.  I myself have been feeling a bit under the weather for the past two days.  I haven’t been sick all year (which has to be some kind of personal record), but what I have now isn’t like anything I’ve experienced before.  I definitely have that “I’m sick” feeling and I have some of the tiredness and soreness/stiffness that usually accompanies the flu, but no other symptoms to speak of.  My nose is more runny that usual (for this time of year), I don’t really have a cough, I don’t sneeze more than usual, no more headaches than usual (I’ve never had headaches, but recently I’ve been getting them due to prolonged staring at computer screens), and, most incredibly, my throat isn’t sore.  Soreness in the throat is the hallmark of every incident of me being sick for at least about 10 years.  Fever is unverified, though, but I’m sure I don’t have one.  So what is it?  It doesn’t seem to be a cold, nor the flu.  Is it Fibromyalgia?  Can I weather it by myself?  What is going on?  The mystery continues…

GeekDinner July 2009: Obstreperous Olive

Thursday, July 30, 2009 10:43

Last night we had another GeekDinner, this time at the Pasta Factory.  It was a fun evening, despite all signs: a lot of people (including some friends I had hoped to see there) cancelled for various reasons, a bunch more cancelled because they were sick and I myself was feeling a bit under the weather.  I’m therefore probably not the best person to give an objective review of the event.  But, one thing that I have to say, is that I was a bit disappointed in the food.  The food was good, don’t get me wrong, but not worth the price.  I realise that it is not uncommon for Italian food (especially pastas) to be hellishly expensive, but one has to draw a line somewhere.  I was actually looking forward to a nice pasta, but on seeing the selections available to us, I opted for one of the pizzas.  While I think those who has pizzas “scored” in terms of volume, it isn’t difficult to find pizzas of at least the same quality for nearly half the price.  So, that was a bit unfortunate.  But, at the very least, last night was the first time in a looong time that a pizza bested me.  (Its because I’m sick, you see.)  So now I have lunch… mmm!

The staff was, however, very friendly.

Thanks again to Delheim Wines for sponsoring us!  I wish I could have had some wine last night, but didn’t want to risk taking any alcohol into my system.