This morning two of my friends, Nanocell and Snoesie, got engaged after clocking a relationship of four years. I wish them all the best for the future – I believe Ha Shem gave them to each other to start an exciting and long lasting leg in the journey of life. Peace, prosperity and happiness to them! La Cheim!
We have all heard proverbs or maxims along the lines of “Nothing easy is worth having”. While I know some people who would strongly content that point, I am slowly coming to realise it to be true.
My stated goal for the following two years was to grow in all aspects of my life. I am fed up with the stagnation of the past four years. Indeed, if it had been only stagnation I would have been able to pick up where I left off. But despite the vast treasure trove of learned knowledge I have gained over the course of my tertiary studies, in other areas I have regressed. It would seem that the journey of life is not one over flat, firm ground, but rather a trek up a slippery slope: unless you labour to move forward, you will slip down.
I recently watched Long Way Round, which documents Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman’s “round the world” trip from London to New York on their motorcycles. It was very inspiring and I am looking forward to seeing Long Way Down. One certainly feels inspired to do something epic when watching that. While I shall conveniently leave that “something epic” as a treat for later in my life (Deo Volente), I find myself reminded of what the late Sir Edmund Hillary said: “Everyone should have an Everest”. Planning on having a glorified mid-life crises does not qualify. Rather, everyone should have a clear goal to work for. For four years, I believed my goal was to acquire an university degree. I do not regret studying. It also wasn’t easy (although I probably, at times, made it more difficult and ardious for myself than it needed to be), but it did not feel like an Everest. I won’t talk down on graduating and many times the task at hand did feel like a behemoth, but perhaps the goal I was aiming for was a little one-dimensional. Throughout the entire time I realised and acknowledged that I was neglecting important things in my life. Now, with a new chapter in my life beginning, I am amped to start righting some wrongs.
But what am I doing? I’m writing about it. Nearly two months of this year has dropped from the calendar, meaning a sixth of the time has been spent. I have not improved on my situation. Excuses are galore. Indeed, I probably now have more valid excuses than before (my two jobs keep me quite busy during the day – I have not yet factored in the studies properly). But I cannot allow myself to be bogged down any further. The challenges are more and the short-term goals are less than glorious (I find myself in a position where I need to stop some bleeding before moving on to bigger things – more on this later), but achieving them will be no less significant. Each achieved goal is a stepping stone to something bigger. I am not an overly patient person, but patience is indeed a rare and precious quality in the modern world. Perhaps, learning to do things in steps will teach me patience as a side-benefit.
I have a desire to drive on a quiet road at night. No street lights, no headlights coming from the front or rear and no tail lights in front of me. Just quiet road with my music playing and no-one else there. Maybe there can be a little fog – like tonight… yes, that would be nice. But there are always other cars.
Today was… something surreal. Something special. Today I handed in my honours project. At the start of the weekend the anticipation began – the feeling that I am so close to putting this entire experience behind me. As the hours dropped away, I became more at peace with myself and less worried about what had to be done. When I dotted the last i, I no longer felt worry; only tired elation.
My project, “Fast Regular Expression Matching”, had the misfortune of being associated with some terrible experiences. Not only had I to deal with emotional problems, but the sheer scope of doing your honours completely reeled me. Before I had started with my honours, many people had told me that I am going to enjoy myself. I was even told that I am being envied, because I remind people of the pleasure they had had doing their honours. My experience of doing honours was not exactly pleasurable. The workload was very heavy and it was difficult to get to everything, let alone keep your sanity. To the agony of my readers I have repeatedly lamented 2007. The good news is that this project hand in, for me, is the last chain cast off from that period of my life. Now there is only looking (and moving) forward.
I had very high hopes for my project. The potential was there to do something really stunning (al be it not ground breaking). I envisioned a complex, by elegantly executed, heart surgery in the clinical environment of a Californian private hospital. In stead, my project ended up as a hurried back alley abortion in Mogadishu. When I proofread my report yesterday, I was satisfied with my write; I’m am not concerned about my style. Rather, it is what I wrote about that scares me. Some of the results are very shaky. They are not necessarily incorrect, but rather not up to the academic standard which might be expected from an honours student. But, I had worked through the night and by daybreak the hours were falling like autumn leaves from a tree. Then, all worries and concerns dissipated. Perhaps it was temporary insanity induced by fatigue, but I did not care any more. I tied up the loose ends and with a push out chest and a head held high I handed in my project – I passed on the gremlin which rode on my back for a year to a person who will judge whether my carrying around of it was an adequate effort. Then, I came home and slept.
Honestly, I don’t know what is going to happen now. All I want is a pass (well, 54%, actually), so that is all I’m hoping for. It certainly seems like all I aspired for. Next week sometime I still have to give a presentation on my work. While I know I’ll feel like a neon pink deer during hunting season, I have been assured that we are practically graded on the report alone. So, as far as I’m concerned, the hardest part is out of the way.
Now I can look forward to getting my life in order and doing my masters. The difference between my masters and my honours is going to be that, while the honours was an end, the masters is a means to something else. Where this journey is going to take me, I do not know, but I’m excited to get on the road.
But first, I’m going to go get some more sleep.