August-Inspiration

I should start laying off this current affairs/social commentary stuff and return to my niche narcissistic focus: thats what its all about anyway.

Anyway, exam results were officially released today and I passed everything! I wasn’t sweating it, but it is nice to have official confirmation. I pass with two majors and technically qualify for both Computer Science and Applied Mathematics honours, although I am still going to do the Computer Science, as planned. Graduation is on the 12th of December and then I can finish this paragraph in the current chapter of my life. But the next one is only a page away.

I know that this issue is already old news and that I’m probably going to get a lot of flak of this (especially after the previous post, but there is a fundamental difference many people seem to miss), but it is time I throw in my two cents on the issue. On Friday, South Africa will become the fifth country in the world (and the first republic and the first African country) to allow homosexual marriages. This is a direct consequence of our constitution and a court ruling on the matter last year.

Of course, this is a matter that has enjoyed much attention from the press (hence the handy little facts I just regurgitated: I don’t keep tabs on things like that). Most people who have commented about this (in the media) have welcomed this. The law will be passed based solely on what the constitution says and without any real consideration of the Christian, Jewish and Muslim opposition there is to this matter. To boot: homosexuality is considered a severe taboo in many ethnic African cultures. It is not that homosexuality itself was outlawed, but suddenly it seems like there has been this dramatic paradigm shift. Most of the first reactions I observed from my peerage is one of joy and happiness about the matter. They feel that the discrimination can now end and good for them: they are also people, after all. The law makes provision that no-one has to bind homosexuals in marriages if they are not comfortable doing so (something the gay-rights activists are bitching about now), however suddenly pastors and ministers seem to throw open the church doors to them. Homosexuality has been a heatedly debated subject in the Christian churches in South Africa for several years now, but the fact remains that the Bible is very clear about this: “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” – Leviticus 20:13 (NIV). (I prefer the New Afrikaans translation, though) I know that I have probably just unleashed all matter of condemnation on myself, but I refuse to enter a theological discussion on this matter. For me, the important part is where this sin is called “detestable”. That is pretty powerful. Bare in mind, that passage comes from the same part in the Bible where the all-Holy Ten Commandments come from: its all rules and guidelines to live by.

I’m not advocating the death of anyone. At the moment, I am not concerned about gay marriages. One could jokingly ask: why should only straight people suffer under the burden of marriage? On a more serious note, for me marriage, as an institution, is not sacred (not where people marry for money, citizenship or as joke with anullments and divorces running rampant). Rather, if there is anything sacred about it, it is on an individual level. From a political point of view: there is no stopping this either: it simply is unconstitutional. Whether the constitution reflects the majority of the country’s citizen’s point of view and wished, is another matter.

I am not even concerned with the homosexuals themselves here, believe it or not. The issue that is weighing on my mind is how heterosexuals, especially those claiming to be Christian, Jewish or Muslim, perceive this matter. Now that gay marriages are going to be legal, suddenly everyone wants to be everyone else’s friend. What was the issue about, man? Can’t we all just make up and move along? I feel strongly that these people are selling out on their faith.

The issue is that we are going to see less discrimination against homosexuals and more discrimination about people who are conservative on this matter. Since the dawn of the New South Africa, many white people have fallen into the habit of being apologetic about everything. They make sacrifices and give up things they believe in and which is a part of them simply to try and make up for the past. I, however, refuse to pay for sins which are not mine. I am proud of who and what I am and I apologise for nothing. I do not compromise myself. And if I have to suffer because of it, then so be it. I believe that homosexuality is fundamentally wrong. Period. You do not have to agree with me. I say this because I feel it needs to be said: too many people are quiet and too many people are swaying.

Lastly, a few technical points: I only have issues when people engage in homosexual behaviour, meaning the sex. If two same gendered simply enjoy each other’s company, want to share an income, whatever, I’m fine with that. People can even be disinterested in the opposite sex: Paul says that it is a good thing for a man not to marry (see 1 Corinthians 7). To me, its as black and white as the sex-issue. I also believe that sexual orientation is a choice and you will never convince me otherwise.

At least there is one good thing that is going to come from the new law: I now longer have to watch two middle-aged lesbians periodically bitch and moan on the news after some court ruling. That was just getting terribly tedious.

I make it no secret that I do not like rugby. I played a little touchies during break in primary school, but that was it. My disdain for the game is so great that my brother’s wife can hardly believe that my brother and I are actually brothers. Rugby is a traditional South African/Afrikaner sport and watching and playing it a great pastime. 1995 was a glorious time for everyone. But I never took a liking to it. Besides, these days its all about the money, politics and the corporations behind the teams. There are too many losses and everything is taken so seriously that careers and futures are at stake with every game.

Saturday, South Africa played against England (the current world champions) and actually won. I happened to read something about this in the news and I couldn’t help but grin when I learned that their coach was in just as much trouble over their team’s performance as ours’ is. It seems its the same everywhere and that is very tedious and boring.

But the subject of this post is actually the South African supporters. It is no secret that Britain is littered with South Africans. By now, probably the most of them are ex-patriot Afrikaners who left to escape crime, discrimination (affirmative action) and the New South Africa (and all that it entails). Most of these people miss South Africa profoundly and would love to return here, but they won’t. So, when the boys in green and gold pitch for a match in their neighbourhood, everyone is out for the occasion. However, Saturday’s Bok supporters embarrassed the players at Twickenham by sporting a few flags. The flags were not, however, South Africa’s recognisable flag, but rather the flags of the old South Africa and even of the old Boer Republics. These flags are signs of traditional Afrikaner patriotism and is closely associated with Apartheid.

There are two sides to this issue. I am not ashamed of the old flag. It is the symbol of a very important time in South Africa’s history, sordid as it may be. The Apartheid era was important for the Afrikaner. Not, however, because of the racial discrimination (white people didn’t go around professionally beating black people all day for nearly half a century, that’s just not what happened!), but rather because during this time, Afrikaners feel that they reached their apex: culturally, we were strong (no matter what the neo-liberals say), scientifically were were competing with the best in the world and our economy was strong. And all this while we where shunned and locked out by the rest of the world: not too shabby if you ask me.

Of course, South Africa is no longer defined by the white minority. We have made important progress and although there is still a lot of reconciliation that needs to be done, people are moving on and moving forward: the different races side by side. The country may be lacking in certain areas compared to 20 or 30 years ago, but a new generation is emerging to tackle the challenges at hand. We have a new flag, emblem, anthem and constitution, all of which is racially neutral. These symbols now have to define what we will think of about our county’s history when they pass away.

That said, I am not thrilled by the ex-patriots’ supportive display this past Saturday. What they did, highlighted a very important division between those that left and those that stayed. Those that stayed, could, to a greater or lesser degree, accept the changes that have happened. Some people might disagree with me, but I see racism waning and tolerance, acceptance and cooperation increasing among the people of the country, especially in the youth. Those that left have never learned to accept and forgive. They are a sore reminder of how the world, even people here at home, perceive Afrikaners. And because of this, we shall be flogged and shamed for our father’s sins for many years to come still.

Rugby supporters, however, are not the only ones to blame. There are incidents of people yelling racist remarks at black cricket players in Australia. I can’t comprehend or explain this better that I have tried to above. How narrow minded can a person be? Let me tell you this: if South Africa’s cricket team were all black, but played the same calibre of cricket or better than Makhaya Ntini does, I shall be even prouder of our team: its all about the game, people, its all about the game.

Update: 11:00

Many people have been taken aback today by a picture which appeared in the local media about Saturday’s match: a black person, sitting amongst white friends with the country’s old flag draped around him. Apparently he spoke Afrikaans and was a good sport about this. This is a clear indication that the matter is not as clear cut as praise-or-damn. To me, it merely reaffirms my believe that anyone can really be an Afrikaner. Race is not an issue, as shocking as that may seem to some people. If he enjoyed himself and if he and his friends had a good time, good for them. Above argument still hold, though.

One of the quirks of the Cape is that thunderstorms are very rare here. For some, like my grandmother, this is a very good thing. But, because of its rarity, I especially enjoy thunderstorms. And if, like today, they strike without much warning, it is even better. Relaxing alone at home and hearing the huge drops pound at the roof is really soothing. Perfect melancholy weather! I also find comfort in the violent, al be it often distant, rumbling of the thunder itself. Perhaps the comfort comes from the thought of the uncontrollable force of nature at work. Humans have conquered and enslaved a lot of aspects about nature and the world, but some things remain unchained.

And then, just as suddenly as it started, it stops, and the sun begins to peek through.

Updated at 19:00:

Weather was strange today indeed, but man, what an awesome sunset!

The past few days I’ve been feeling… the tug of loneliness on me. I don’t know, but at the end of the day, when I reflect on all that has happened, I get lonely. These days, not much gets accomplished during the day and I wonder how things could or would be different if I wasn’t alone. Its not the kind of lonliness that can be remedied by visiting with friends, and I feel guilty about that. I have a girlfriend, but she is almost 2000 km away. At this very moment she doesn’t even seem able to receive my SMS messages. So its just a guy, alone in a flat on a Friday night listening to some music with the wind howling outside and rattling the doors and windows. I don’t feel bad about where I am per se, just alone.

I don’t think I need to feel guilty about my position. My past choices have brought me here and they will take me many different places still. The thing is: nobody expects them to necessarily be the correct decisions. I am at the point in my life where a person makes mistakes; it is, afterall, the first wobbly steps into selfsustained adulthood.

I feel the tug of loneliness at my clothes and the past snapping at my heels. I try to ignore all of it, but I do find refuge in the malancholy and the memories. Of course I try not to be suffocated by the patchwork blanket of these things, but sometimes you get sleepy and then your mind starts to wander before you loose consiousness. It is not in the dream world where you find your fears and your delights, but in those last few semi-consious moments.

They say people are only themselves when they are alone behind their closed bedroom doors. They say you should measure your faith, morality and demeanour then. But sometimes the public and private personas differ enough for me to wonder if the real one isn’t outside somewhere, not alone. If, when outside, you are consistant and you do not compromise yourself, then why not? We are a social people, afterall.

Wow, that took a couple of turns I wasn’t expecting. Recently, agape, philo and eros has just weighing on my mind a bit more than usual.

I’ve started working on the mythical “new” website again. I feel good about the progress that I’ve made thus far, but at this point in the development its “one step forward, two steps back”. I want to do what is called a “big bang rollout”, meaning I put up all the new stuff in one go as opposed to bit by bit. This means its all still going to take a long time, but my frustration with Blogger is a good source of motivation. I actually thought that, under Google’s stewardship, there might be an improvement in my experience of their quality of service effort, but, alas, this does not seem to be the case. Anyway, the new site is, more than anything, something to keep me busy with and to develop my “webbing” skills with.

Right now I’m sitting and basking in the afterglow of what I hope was my final undergraduate exam. It is… surreal! That’s not a hyperbole: it really feels awesome. It was a quiet event: maybe 30 or 40 people writing a three hour paper. It was only us: no-one else wrote this afternoon and the Engineering building was empty and hollow. Three hours is, of course, a long time (I yearned for the days of writing History papers at school, when I was use to it) and most people left before the time was up, so there was no congregation nervous or elated people outside the hall. Everyone just dissipated and it was a beautifully fitting end of how these past few weeks reminded me of the last stanze of T.S. Elliot’s The Hollow Men. Everyone (who is not returning to study next year) is going to float away on the winds of change as it blows into the sails of life. Today I casually found myself saying goodbye to someone and wondering whether I’ll ever see him again.

Returning from the reminiscing and melancholy, here’s a brief summary of my exam:

• On Monday I wrote Optimisation (Applied Mathematics). It went well, but I am weary of little mistakes that might have crept in (I had a lot of them during my preparation).
• On Tuesday evening it was Fluid Dynamics’s (Applied Mathematics) turn. It was a massacre: Bloedrivier, except that this Boer didn’t survive it very well. Luckily it turned out that it really was a difficult paper and everyone (without exception, it seems) suffered. I was sure I failed it (and I did, technically), but I got my final mark for that subject today and, surprise, surprise, I passed! (Going out for drinks afterwards was really fun though.)
• On Wednesday we demoed our spreadsheet project. There were a few minor bugs (that didn’t bother the lecturer that much) and in the end we walked away with 98%. It was nice to be rewarded like that for three and a half month’s of work, but it was so close to 100%…
• On Thursday I wrote software design. It didn’t go nearly as well as it should: my distinction is gone with the wind now. Its funny: you work for three and a half months on a project, earn 98% for it, but the a one hour paper comes and steals all that glory away.
• And then, today, was Networking. It is sort of a wild card, but I’m not going to worry about it. I could give an answer for most of the questions, but the lecturer marks very strictly. Meh…

It Is Over!

I’m planning on staying on in Stellenbosch for next week and then returning home after that. I don’t have any concrete plans yet, though. Most of my friends are still writing, so I’ll find a way to amuse myself in the mean time.

For most of the week (especially after Fluid Dynamics) I’ve been in a quasi-zombi state, so, if you’ll excuse me, I have some z’s to catch up on.

Goodnight

Good Luck

Cheers!

Karla Brink

1979-08-23 to 2006-10-27. Rest in peace; one day you’ll be reunited with your loved ones.