I am somewhat of a Ted Mosby (from How I Met Your Mother): the guy who is ready to—by fate or by chance—at any moment meet his future wife with whom he’ll have two kids can spend the rest of my life with (rich or poor, in sickness of in health): happy. And I am not the only Ted Mosby: not at Stellenbosch University and definitely not in my age group. Now ’tis the time to get married, after all. And with two weddings of my friends’ realised and two more weddings in the planning, it seems as if something is nudging you (and not just that aunt or perhaps even your mother who believes she can make your marriage a reality by asking you sufficiently frequently about it) and asking: when is your turn? For everyone who follows the “2.2 children” life dream, the ideal is to meet your sweetheart at varsity and be ready to marry at the end of your studies. But time is running out in that sense: before I know it, I’ll be a 9-to-5 lemming. And if I couldn’t find someone with all the time I had had on my hands at varsity, how will I find someone whilst chained to a desk?
But the wife and children and future happiness are all a consequence of having another desire forefilled in the present: one of companionship. I think that is why the people who are content with themselves do not get caught up in the frenzy of looking for a mate. In a world of social networks, Facebook groups, My Space friends, Twitter followers and blogrolls, are some people still not exceedingly lonely? Some people will plead that they would one day like to be married and therefore needs to search now. But is that as much a life plan as it is shirking from (or even just thinking about) the pangs of loneliness?
A couple of months ago we had a very good series of sermons at the church which I attend. The title of the series was “God, Sex and the City” and thoroughly covered topics such as sex, marriage, courtship, the decision to marry, singleness and homosexuality from a biblical perspective. The series of talks had a great impact on me personally. It is not my intention to repeat those sermons here, although I would very much have liked to do so. From this series of sermons, I came to realise again my (self-)deceptions and mistakes from my past. I was reminded that what I want is temporary and will fall away. I learned that my yearning for some intimate companionship was actually looking for a substitute for the constant and eternal companionship that I have in the Lord. I was shown how romance and love as Hollywood understands it is completely twisted. Especially this last point would be a shock to anyone, not the least for myself. The fact that what Hollywood shows us is so appealing is not surprising, as they love their happy endings despite all odds. But what the Bible has to say about love and relationships is radically different from what the screen idols portray. Understandably people, when hearing this “new” message, are cautious about accepting it. What Hollywood mongers is appealing and familiar: so why change the status quo? But, as with any perspective, there are two versions: the world’s and the Bible’s. And I’d rather choose the latter, even if it takes some getting use to.
It has happened before that my previous beliefs and perceptions were debunked and I came to terms and accepted a new belief and set of perceptions. Before my first relationship, I believed that, through observation and study, I knew the in’s and out’s of relationships (at least in a very broad sense) a priori. But my first relationship quickly brought those perspectives and my arrogance to ruin. After the relationship had ended and I had gotten over the worst, I took what I learned, added it to my perspectives and again reorientated myself on the topic of love and relationships, as I am sure most people do. And I am sure that one day I shall again gain new insights. But what I experienced a couple of months was a profound, conscious change about the question of whether to get married, what to look for in a marriage partner and how to approach someone. Whether a future paradigm shift will be so profound, I don’t know.
I am unsure whether I am still a Ted Mosby. After considerations, I still want to get married one day. But my whole perception has changed and my feelings about the subject are different. They seem strange to me and I do not yet know how to reconcile them with my current situation. Perhaps they are not meant to be: perhaps reconciliation is meant for a future situation. I have prayed and asked for a partner for the future, if that is the Will of the Lord. Perhaps she will be sent tomorrow or perhaps in 15 years’ time. Or she may never be sent; perhaps my future is meant to be radically different from what I imagine. I think I may now be ready for that possibility: if I grow old and die without ever having married, I shall not be resentful. Between now and any outcome lies one of my greatest challenges: to be patient and to trust in the Lord. I must find my companionship in Him. If the Lord grants my wish, then the union I shall be bound to would have to be for His service, which is an exciting prospect. Until then there is much to be done, however, and no time to be idle.
Let the will of Ha Shem be done. Amen.
PS I have not gone into the specifics of any of the sermons. But if you know me personally, I strongly urge you to contact me and I’ll get you copies of the recordings.
