August-Inspiration

To be fair, if I actually posted something here when I thought of doing so since the year started, I would have had a regularly updated blog.  But the truth is that I have been hectically busy.  I’m not complaining, though: it is good to have something to do and to have something to strive for.  I have denied myself that for the past two years and now I am paying.

What is keeping me so busy?  Well, my masters, for a change.  I have a lot to do in a small amount of time.  When I get home I’m pretty tired, but I think I’m getting the balance together.  Most of the time that I have left is going into church activities at the moment.  That isn’t to say that I haven’t had fun and good times this year!  And also some shocks and sadness.  But at the moment it is just work work work…

Our internet connection at the flat has been on life-support since the start of the year.  Luckily I’m not home so much these days, but when I am and I need the net and it isn’t there, it sucks big time (guess where I am now, 23:41 on a Sunday everning? yes, the lab!).

I hope to make up for my digital absence this weekend by putting up a fun blog post.  I probably shouldn’t be making any promises, but watch this space anyway!

A long December and there is reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last.

Outside, the very first, very early bird has started to sing. A car speeds jovially down a quiet suburban street. Life on the first day of the new year, begins.

Another year, indeed, another decade, ends.

And so, wired and awake, I find myself at that very familiar place in front of a screen, with a ear to a speaker, pondering the possibility of a year better than the last.

2009 was, for me personally, a roller-coaster year. In retrospect I can roughly divide it into to parts: the First Half and the Second Half. The First Half was about being care-free, motivated, ambitious, making new friends and learning new and exciting things. The Second Half was about feeling defeated, being caught in an impossible situation, being tired, being taxed and, in a certain sense, alone.

All the details of all of this I keep to myself, for now. A highlight, though, was definitely getting more involved in the church which I am currently attending and forming and strengthening relationships there. Through such inspiration I launched a new website called Café on the Rock. While it still needs a lot of fleshing out, I am still excited about it and hopeful of great things.

As the year progressed (and in particular as it drew to a close), I became acutely aware, however, of pain, need and distress around me. I experienced some of this myself, but primarily I stood looking in from the outside as hearts broke, and silent, invisible tears rolled from the eyes of those I care about. At the very end I also bore witness to a silent exodus of friends and colleagues as they moved on from Stellenbosch to fields far, far away. The remnant is very small; I just don’t want to be the last one.

One of the greatest lesson which I feel I have yet to master is patients. But my primary instruction this I, I believe, was in humility: learning not to go gun-ho and trying to resolve situations when all I can see is one piece of a very large and intricate puzzle.

The year was also characterised by a lot of inertia and early on I realised that I would need another year to finish my masters degree. That year has arrived now and the clock is ticking down on what I hope to be the last six months of the 3 year post-graduate adventure. This means that, hitting the ground running, 2010 is going to be a year of hard work and sacrifice. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. But while I last time only had the murky certainty of continuing my studies to look forward to, I now have the exciting prospect of not knowing what is behind the next door. Usually something like that would terrify me to pieces, but I am strangely positive about it. This optimism stems from the fact that, when I finish, I grow up. I leave Neverland, and then the adventure can finally begin! In the meantime, my sacrifice will, hopefully, forge me into the man who I want to be and, more importantly, the man who I need to be.

Thankfully I am blessed with one more week of holiday before I return to Stellenbosch, to work and to my studies. But I’m looking forward to all of it!

I just noticed that my previous post took me two weeks to finish: and I didn’t even polish it!

The past few weeks have been rough for me.  Mostly emotional.  I don’t feel that I can write about those things here at the moment, so in stead I just keep quiet.  But I am also recovering from an ear infection.  I’ve lost a few days’ of work because of it and I need to get back in gear.  Point is: the year is on the rocks and I wouldn’t mind it finally going down.  But just a little while longer: almost time for a holiday proper.

Ek het lanklaas ‘n artikel in Afrikaans geskryf, maar gelukkig het ek nou die perfekte onderwerp vir een.

29-30 Oktober het ek ‘n studentesimposium in Bloemfontein bygewoon.  Dit was die eerste keer wat ek so iets bygewoon het, so ek gaan nou my tyd neem om dit oor te vertel.  My studieleier het my eintlik al maande voor die tyd aangesê dat ek moet inskryf, so dit was al iets waarvoor ek al lank gewag het.  Die simposium word deur die Suid-Afrikaanse Akademie vir Wetenskap en Kuns (SAAWK) aangebied.  Dit word jaarliks gehou en bring nagraadse studente vanuit feitlik al die wetenskapsvelde¹ bymekaar om na mekaar se navorsing te luister.  Dit is die enigste van sy soort wat eksklusief in Afrikaans aangebied word.  Ek dink ‘n meesterstudent is altyd huiwerig wanneer hy of sy aangesê word om vir iets in te skryf, maar ek het gereken dat, indien niks anders nie, ek ‘n gratis “vakansietjie” na ‘n “nuwe stad” sou kry!

Die vorige keer wat ek in Bloemfontein was, was ek 6 jaar oud gewees.  Ek onthou dit glad nie².   Dus het ek hierdie besoek as my eerste³ aan die Stad van Rose beskou.

“Weet jy wat sê mense ook van Bloemfontein?”
“Nee?”
“Dat ‘n mens twee keer daaroor huil: een keer wanneer jy daarnatoe gaan en die ander keer wanneer jy daarvan af moet weg gaan.”

Ek is in die baie bevoorregde posisie om ‘n vriendin te hê wat tans in Bloemfontein bly; ‘n baie gawe vriendin wat my toegelaat het om by hul te bly vir my tydjie daarso.  Ons kom al van skooldae af saam, so dit was ‘n idiale geleentheid om mekaar weer te sien en op te vang.  Sy het my by die lughawe kom optel en ons was sommer dadelik soos twee ou vrinne, selfs al het ons mekaar lanklaas gesien.

Haar familie se huis was regtig iets besonder.  Die hele familie is kunstig en hul kunswerke pronk orals.  Die huisie is knus en sekerlik ‘n hele paar dekades oud.  My gunsteling deel van die huis was egter die tuin.  Ek het die geluk getref dat die re”ens kort voor my aankoms begin het.  Wat my dus ingewag het was ‘n sag, groen grasperk wat hoofsaaklik omring was deur volblom roosbosse.  Daar was ook ‘n lapa met stoele en hangmatte: alles element wat ‘n atmosfeer skep wat die hele buitewêreld uitsluit sodat daar net rus, vrede, die honde, die kat en familie is om op te fokus.

Daardie eerste aand was daar ‘n spesiale openingsfunksie vir die simposium: ‘n geleentheid aangebring ter herdenking van die 100ste bestaansjaar van die SAAWK.  Hiervoor het ons na die Boyden-sterrewag buite die stad gegaan.  Die simposium het amptelik afgeskop met ‘n lesing… een waaroor ek nogal baie verras was.  Dit was aangebied deur ‘n professor van fisika van die Universiteit van die Vrystaat en het ‘n apologetiese benadering tot kosmologie geneem.  Hy het geargumenteer vir ‘n middelgrond tussen extreme evolusionisme en extreme kreasionisme en dat ‘n mens nie net in een kant van ‘n argument moet vasstaar nie.  Hierdie aanbieding was die uitvloeisel van die professor se eie werk van die afgelope tyd om sy geloof en sy werk as wetenskaplike te vereenselwig.  Natuurlik was dit ‘n baie kontroversiële onderwerp en hy het gehoop dat die praatjie tot gesprekvoering onder die studente sou lei.  Ongelukkig was die praatjie nie (onmiddellik) vreeslik suksesvol in daardie opsig nie: van die studente het die bloot afgemaak as bog.  Ek (en ek is seker ‘n paar ander studente ook) het dit egter baie waardeer en heel interessant gevind.  Na die praatjie was daar ‘n baie lekker vingerete gewees⁴ en daarna het ons die sterrewag ‘n bietjie getoer.  Ek het eerste die rooi 13″ refraksie-teleskoop⁵ gesien.  Daardeur het ek vir die eerste Jupiter as meer as net ‘n spikkel in die lug gesien: mooi duidelik, grys en met drie van sy mane wat bo hom gepronk het.  Dit was pragtig!  Dit verg baie min vir ‘n persoon om sy of haar hart op astronomie te verloor.  Ons het ook die maan van ‘n bietjie nader besigtig.  Daarna het ons die 1.5m teleskoop gaan besigtig en uiteindelik die nuwe 16″ robotiese teleskoop.  Teen die einde van die aand was ons redelik moeg gewees en het ons na ons onderskeie blyplekke teruggekeer (sommige van die studente moes nog hul skyfies gaan voltooi het!).

Die volgende oggend vroeg het ek saam met my gasheer se pa ‘n geleentheid na die universiteit gekry.  Na registrasie het ons weer ‘n lesing gehad: hierdie keer oor patentereg.  Ek het egter nie veel daarby gebaat nie (ek het geleer dat Suid-Afrika het nie sagtewarepatente toelaat nie—iets waarteen ek in elk geval fundimenteel gekant is).  Daarna was ons in drie groepe verdeel en is verdaag na ons onderskeie lokale, waar daar vir die res van die dag aanbiedings gelewer is.  Ek was in die “fisika en IT” groep wat in die senaatsaal—’n waardige en swaar kamer van leer, sigare en konjak—vergader het.  Die fisika-mense het afgeskop.  Die eerste praatjie was vir my goed gewees, maar ek het geskrik toe die aanbieder byna met die eerste vraag gekelder is.  Ek het besef dat die praatjiebeoordelaars hierdie geleentheid baie erenstig opneem en hul kennis hopeloos té divers is.  Ek het ook begin kriewelrig raak oor ‘n ander rede: ek het gedink my praatjie is hopeloos te kort.  Ek het nooit voor die tyd my praatjie behoorlik geoefen nie.  So het, tussen deur aandag gee probeer dink wat ek kan bysê om my praatjie uit te rek.  Op die ou end het ek aan genoeg goed gedink om my praatjie met twee skyfies uit te rek.  Gedurende die middagete het ek probeer om hierdie skyfies by te sit, maar ek het nie my LaTeX-kode saamgeneem nie en kon dus nie.  Ek sou dus die tyd wat ek op ander skyfies spandeer het uitrek om die addisionele goed te sê.

Dit was bestem dat ek laaste in ons groep sou praat.  Gelukkig is laaste ‘n plek waarmee ek baie goed vertroud is.  Ek weet nie of dit so beplan was nie, maar die praatjies in my sessie het rofweg van groot na klein geloop: eers die astro-fisika en golwe en goed en daarna materie strukture en molekules.  Die beste praatjie, wat my aanbetref, was van ‘n vrou wat ‘n spesifieke sterregroep bestudeer het.  Ek gaan nie in die besonderhede ingaan nie, maar ek was beïndruk met die wetenskaplike metode wat sy uitgelê het en met die resultate wat sy verkry het en haar gevolgtrekkings.  Die fisika-praatjies het die hele oggendsessie geduur.  Na middagete het die “IT” sessie begin.  Ek moet bieg dat die kwaliteit van hierdie praatjies vir my nie so goed soos die vorige sessie s’n was nie.  Dit was hoofsaaklik weens die merkbare swakker taalgebruik van die sprekers (die fisika-mense het hulself in hierdie opsig goed van hul taak gekwyt).  Van die woorde wat ek daar gehoor het was werklik walglik.  Uiteindelik het my beurt aangebreek.  Ek voel ek het goed gepraat, maar ten spyte van my vrese dink ek het ek op die ou end oor my tyd gegaan.  Dit was moeilik om die gehoor te lees: ‘n handjievol mense het ingekom om na my praatjie te luister, maar ek het omtrent die minste vrae van al die sprekers gehad.  Nadat ons verdaag het, het ek egter met ‘n paar mense gepraat wat gesê het dat hulle baie van my praatjie gehou het en baie ge”interesseerd was.  Na ‘n kort breuk het almal weer saam vergader, was die bedankings gedoen en die pryse was uitgedeel.  So het ‘n baie lang, maar interessante, dag tot ‘n einde gekom.  Terug by my gashere was ek te moeg om nog die aand iets verder te doen, so ons het maar ontspan en ek het vroeg bed toe gegaan.

Wat ek teen die einde van die dag besef het, was dat die vreemdste ervaring van die dag nie die feit dat al die dag se praatjies in Afrikaans was nie, maar juis dat daardie feit vir my nie vreemd was nie.  Die hele dag deur het ek tegniese praatjies in Afrikaans gehoor met tegniese terme in Afrikaans.  Tog het ek nie ongemaklik daarmee gevoel nie.  Dit gee vir my hoop vir my moedertaal.  Die simposium is die enigste van sy soort in die land vir wetenskap in Afrikaans, maar dit werk.  Die taal is jonk, maar nog nie verouderd deur vooruitgang nie.  Ek glo dat met harde werk hierdie taal nog lank met ons sal wees.  Dit ís vir my ‘n mooi taal en ek sal graag meer tyd daarin wil spandeer.

Die volgende dag het ek en my vriendin beplan om opsy te sit sodat sy vir my ‘n bietjie deur Bloemfontein kon wys.  Ongelukkig kon ons nie die hele dag hieraan afstaan nie, want sy het ‘n eksamen gehad wat sy oor twee dae moes gaan skryf en nog voor moes leer.  Bloemfontein is meer ‘n baie groot Karoo-dorp as wat dit ‘n stad is.  Die strate is breed en die ou deel laat ‘n mens nie twyfel dat dit as ‘n nedersetting begin is deur ‘n groep boere wat landin gevlug het agter oopte en vryheid aan nie.  ’n Mens kon ook ‘n aanvoeling hiervoor by die Boeremark kry: ons eerste stop vir die dag.  Die Boeremark is ‘n fantastiese markie waar ‘n mens baie interessanthede en nuttighede teen goeie pryse kan vind.  Daarna het ons na die waterfront toe gegaan.  Ek is baie skepties oor enige iets wat ‘n waterfront genoem word en nie langs die see is nie; of ten minste langs ‘n baie groot meer.  Maar vir ‘n paar jaar lank nou al kan ek nie meer vinger wys nie, want die Tygerwaterfront is gebou rondom ‘n groot artifisiële gat.  Die water daarvan is omtrent (soos ek gesien het) vergelykbaar met dié in Bloemfontein.  Die waterfront bestaan hoofsaaklik uit ‘n groot, generiese inkopiesentrum.  Dit is ‘n hartseer herinnering dat selfs hierdie stad, hierdie dorp waar daar nog so baie Afrikaans gepraat word en waardes vanuit ‘n langvergete verlede nog bestaan. nie kan ontsnap van Geld nie.  Dit sal altyd inhaal en verniel en afbreek net sodat dit weer kan opbou en eenders maak: altyd nog ‘n inkopiesentrum met wit teëls en nagemaakte marmer, altyd nog ‘n chic uiteetplek en nog ‘n kettingwinkel.  Altyd eenders: bring die beskawing na dié wat hierdie nie het nie.

Ek was egter wel bly om laatmiddag uit te dorp te kon gewees het.  Dit was daardie dag een of ander rugbytoenooifinaal en vir ‘n kort tydjie daarna was ek vanaf my gunsteling kleur, oranje, afgesit.  Mense is bloot nie só fanaties oor rugby in die Kaap nie.  Dit is iets waaraan ek glad nie gewoond is nie.  Ja, ‘n mens weet van die Bloubulondersteuners en hoe mal hulle tekere kan gaan, maar ek het nie die see van oranje jagluiperds verwag nie.  Ek hou in elk geval nie van rugby nie en het die middag rustig by my gashere deurgebring.  Die bure het my egter min-of-meer op hoogte gehou en teen die aand was alles rustig, want die Cheetas het die onderspit gedelf.  Op daardie stadium was dit al skemer en het dit liggies begin donderweer.  In die Kaap is donderweer baie skaars en ek het dit gewaardeer om dit so ‘n bietjie daar anderkant te ervaar.  Somerreën is egter iets wat vir my heeltemal volksvreemd is: ek ken dit nie regtig nie en glo nie dis reg nie.  Reën moet in die winter val wanneer die KOUD en NAT is en in die somer moet die SON skyn wanneer die WARM en DROOG is.  Tog… tog was daardie middag vir my vreeslik lekker.  Ek het buite onder die lapa gaan sit en gekyk hoe die groot reëndruppels op die nuwe tuintafeltjie val.  Bo my was daar ‘n fantastiese reënboog.  Vir ‘n tydjie was ek verlore in alleenheid: ‘n suspensie van tyd in rustigheid en stil vrede.  Aantreklik?  Ja, Bloemfontein kan aantreklik wees, net soos ‘n boernooitjie van die ou dae met die ou dae se waardes.  Wie sal nie na haar toe gaan nie?  Haar nie wil leer ken nie?

Die volgende oggend het ek saam met my vriendin na haar kerk toe gegaan.  Dit is deel van die NCMI-groep, wie ek glad nie ken nie, maar dit het vir my na ‘n goeie en heilsame kerk voorgekom.  Na jare wat hulle in ‘n skoolsaal kerkgehou het, was hulle uiteindelik besig om ‘n kerkgebou te bou terwyl ek daar was.  Die fondament was alreeds gelê, maar die mure was nog nie op nie.  Ons het dus onder ‘n tent op die kaal sement kerk gehou: werklik ‘n interessante ervaring.  Na kerk (ons moes dit egter ongelukkig effens kortknip) het ons direk na die lughawe gegaan.

Wie wil die boerenooi nie leer ken nie?  Maar ek moet terug na die see toe gaan.  Ek moet daardie oopte hê en die vryheid van die berge en die heuwels.  Ek moet van die wingered af pluk en eet en ek moet regte stede en regte dorpe vereenselwig.  Dit was baie lekker in Bloemfontein en ek sal weer gaan; om die waarheid te sê, sien ek nou nóg meer uit na die res van die land verken.  Maar ek glo dat, aan die einde van die dag, is hierdie my huis en hier waarheen ek sal terugkeer.  Dit is nie kortsigtigheid of hardkoppigheid nie: dit is hoe dit is.

1. Die “kuns”-deel van die Akademie het glo hul eie ding wat hulle doen… [↩]
2. Dalk met goeie rede: dalk het ek gedog dis nog ‘n dorp waardeur ons gery het.   Meer as enige iets anders lyk Bloemfontein meer soos ‘n groot Karoo-dorp as enige iets anders.  Ek kon dalk ook geslaap het.  Dis egter vreemd, wat ek kan die gaan van daardie besondere vakansie onthou, maar absoluut niks van die terugkom nie… [↩]
3. Alhoewel, blykbaar, was my eerste toe my ma gegaan het vir ‘n sonar daar… [↩]
4. Die kos by die simposium was deurgans baie goed gewees! [↩]
5. Ek praat onder korreksie, maar ek dink dit het eens op ‘n tyd diens by die bekende Mount Wilson sterrewag gedoen. [↩]

A couple of weeks ago, I did my part in taking part in a micro Twitter meme.  A friend had spent a week Tweeting things for which she was thankful for.  A mutual friend then did the same, and I decided to do it as well.  (Another friend saw what I was doing and started doing the same.)  I would now like to repeat that list here, and make some comments and observations about the process as well.

1. The saving grace of Messiah Yeshua and the certainty, love and power of God Almighty.
2. Loving parents who have – a continue to – sacrificed so much for me.
3. Cape Town, the Cape of Good Hope, and its surroundings.
4. Borrie, die mooiste en liefste borriekat in die hele wye wêreld!
5. Trees in suburbia growing taller than the houses and the birds that play and live in them.
6. Sunday lunch, a guilty pleasure! Zzz…
7. The great weekend and fantastic friends!
8. Waking up refreshed and energised on a Monday morning.
9. Having access to health care services.
10. 10GB of free internet!
11. My health and that I can exercise.
12. Beautiful colours – which I can’t even dream of – at sunset!
13. Being weak, foolish and helpless, so that my strength and assurances only comes from God Almighty.
14. The view from my bedroom window (incl. the cats who like to play right outside my window).
15. Forgiveness through repentance made possible by the blood of Messiah Yeshua.
16. Being able to learn from the Word of God.
17. Free and Open Source Software.
18. Finding things that were lost.
19. Yet more beautiful Stellenbosch sunsets!
20. (Again) Great friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ.
21. That I am able to freely meet with fellow believers to study the Word of God without fear of persecution.
22. Food: even a poor student can feast like a king!
23. Having a good, competent veteran study leader to help me get through this thing.
24. Shabbat! Shabbat Shalom!
25. That, one-day, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess: “Baruch haba, B’shem Adonai!”
26. Weekends & being able to sleep in when necessary.
27. Summa time!
28. My trip through Europe, even though it’s drawing to a close.

Unfortunately, I didn’t quite make seven days: I skipped a day completely (my bad) and developed a cold on the day which then should have been the seventh; having a cold tends to damped one’s outlook on things.  But, I suppose, number 29 can be having a cold, as it could have been something worse.  In fact, I can’t remember when last I’ve had a cold, because it’s always the flu or some infection or something else.  But generally I’ve been rather healthy this year: I had a good run while it lasted.

One thing which struck me, was how difficult it was to “keep the chin up”—to not complain—for a whole week.  Other people struggled with this, I’m sure.  And I’ll be the first one to say that I think people who are 100% happy 100% have some serious problems (looming).  We are all just human and experience the world as it is: sometimes good things come our way, sometimes bad things.  But then you have to make a decision: are you going to complain?  Not complaining (or, “offering a negative comment”) was difficult for me, I’ll admit.  Once again, complaining does have its place and time.  But I think that many—if not most—of us are prone to complaining too quickly.  To that end, the Internet is a great enabler.  It is your Twitter feed, after all, and you don’t control who reads it and who don’t, so if people don’t want to read about a complaint, tough luck then, right?  Unfortunately that isn’t the right way to think about it.  People don’t know what the demeanor of something you have written is going to be before they read it (unless, perhaps, the thing they are reading has a title or short introduction).  Also, some of the people who are following what you write, do so because they know you on some level and perhaps even care about them.  If your mood is negative, theirs will be affected as well.  Once again I would like to stress, however, that complaining isn’t inherently wrong: it can, in fact, have positive, healthy uses (as opposed to just keeping everything negative bottled up inside).  But frequency of complaining (or, at least, the temptation of it) struck me through this exercise of gratitude.  It is something that I am aware of in myself (sometimes) and which I know I need to work on.  (But I may be making progress: today I got a text message from a friend in which she said that I’m seeing the glass half-full, and that was without trying from my side.)

Some of the items in my list may seem a bit generic.  I am aware of that, and there are two reasons for this.  First off (and this is only my fault): I spent the vast majority of the week cooped up inside my flat trying to burn through free Internet cap on a slow line.  As a consequence, I had little real contact with the world and other people.  Secondly, I found genuine value in the small things.  Anyone can be happy with winning the lottery.  But where would I have been without my parent?  What if I didn’t have the securities which provides me regular food and entertainment?  What if I loose my sight one-day and not have memories of standing in silent awe in front of a beautiful sunset?  Yes, I am greatly blessed, and no amount of complaining and perceived wants can diminish that fact.  And this is something I constantly need to remind myself of: I become just a complacent as the next person.  I then need to stop and look at everything again.  It may seem like “looking for things to be thankful for”, but I really would have been miserable—if alive at all—if it weren’t for the hunderds and thousands of little things.

Perhaps one-day I’ll redo this exercise.  I found it refreshing, actually, as I looked at the world slightly differently for that week.  Go on, try it!

Yesterday, a very good friend of mine handed in his masters thesis.  Bar a few academic formalities to come in the next couple of months, he has finished an academic career of 17 years.  We’ve trudged through the academic quagmire together since 1999.  Congratulations, man, I proud of you and am sure that your post-academic life will be happy and fruitful!

A few of my other friends are still finishing up their theses.  They are only going to hand in on the second opportunity, which means they’ll only graduate in March.  After that, a class moves on, a generation vanishes, a remnant dies.  Of the hopeful, wide-eyed first year B.Sc. (mathematical sciences) class of ‘04 would be no more.  I’ll still be here, as well as a couple of physicists and maybe a mathematician, but we’ll be the scatterlings of a remnant.

And that is a sad thought.  For me, at least.  The thought of remaining behind.  Of not finishing In Time.  It is not about finishing within the Expected Period: I’ve gotten over that “prestige” complex long ago.  No, it is about losing that camaraderie.  It’s no secret that I’m very sentimental and things like this get to me in one way or the other.  But it is not only that: it’s the Desert Island Complex: being the one left at the station because he missed the bus.

So one has to ask: why?  How did it happen that a third year is necessary for my M.Sc.?  Like just about anything in life, there is no simple answer.  But if a simple answer is to be given, it would be: that I worked part time in my first year.  Worked two jobs part time, in fact.  And that is a fair assessment: for two plus days a week for a whole year, I was tied up elsewhere.  When I got home in the evening, I was too tired to work.  So I had 3/5 of the time people who weren’t working had.  (But, in reality, that was closer to 2/5.)  But, leaving it at just that would be over-simplifying.  Moving on a year later, I had learned my lesson and quit my job.  I the scope of my work at the CS department was even reduced.  But still I vasted unaccomplished this year.  Why?  I’ve come to the conclusion that it was because of inertia: mine, first and foremost, and others’ as well.

From my side I have not been very dedicated and committed to work.  I bowed down to sloth and procrastination: “There’s always tomorrow.”  Then strangely enough, I awoke one-day and found that I’d run out of tomorrows.  That was quite a shock.  Now I’m trying to make up for it.  A year seems like a long time still for doing a lot of work in, but from experience I know now that it isn’t.  Prayer, and sweat and tears spilt in silence is all that is going to help now.

But I am also willing to point the finger once it has passed by me.  I can’t really blame others for my woes, but this year has been an expensive lesson in bureaucracy.  For example: at the very end of last year I decided to make a survey for children who have Asperger Syndrome and their parents.  I had a couple of reasons for doing this, which I’m not going to go into now.  My supervisor loved the idea.  Neither she nor I had done anything like this before, but dove right in with gusto.  We spent months designing, re-designing and fine tuning that blasted survey.  Finally we arrived at something adequate—something to almost be proud of, even.  Next step was to get clearance from the university’s board of ethics.  After a blunder on the first attempt, I submitted my request for clearance in July; I have yet to hear a single word on whether it was approved or not.  A recent query was met with silence.  And so I learned yet another little lesson: in academia, if you have to deal with someone whom you have never seen before and whom you don’t know, you are probably going to be either treated rudely or not at all.  I hope this is not true for most other universities (or even for the whole of Stellenbosch), but I’ve had my fill of submissions and request.

Lastly: my supervisor keeps me one a fairly loose leash.  This can be a Good Thing, but I’ve turned it into something bad.  I usually don’t do new year’s resolutions, but one for 2010 is going to be to get her to keep me in line.

So, what conclusions can be drawn from examining the factors which have led up to my current predicament?  A few pointers:

• Don’t dream big.  This is going to be tempting when you start doing a masters (the word “thesis” is so grand, after all).  But you aren’t going to change the world.  Chances are, two years after you’ve finished, no-one except you will remember what you did and your work will effectively be lost.  (If you really want to change the world, go join a “cause” on Facebook.)
• Don’t have ideas.  Don’t make suggestions for improvements to your project to your supervisor: that is their job.  Your job is to be the dumb, mute workhorse.
• Be annoying: badger people to whom you’ve made submissions and need feedback or other sort of answer into submission (and admission).
• Be accountable.  If not to your supervisor, then to someone else.  Nothing makes goofing off as easy as not having someone look over your shoulder.  Big Brother is your friend.
• Have a clear plan according to which to work to.  This is especially important for computer scientists.  Formulating this plan might very well be more than doing the actual work, but it will guide your ship safely and timely into the harbour of graduation.

And I’ll throw in a couple of freebies as well.  While doing your masters:

• Enjoy yourself.  A time will come when you realise that you need to buckle down or throw in the towel.  Then you’ll sweat and
• Diversify: get away from your subject matter and field.  Or else you’ll end up hating it much sooner than is necessary and you’ll probably end up bitter and uninteresting to boot.

But all is not doom and gloom, boys and girls.  I have been blessed to make a whole bunch of new friends at the church I am attending.  I look forward to spending another year there and am eager to serve there.  By no means do I think is staying in Stellenbosch for another year something which needs to be lamented.  But it is always so nice to complain anyway, isn’t it?

Last night was GeekDinner time again!  As I pulled up to our venue for the evening, Capello, I was greeted by a loud speaker with thumping bass inviting people inside from the ferocious Cape Town wind, like a foghorn calling out to lost souls.  The inside was cosy and I really liked the “gangster” theme mixed with the bright floral themes.  It’s difficult for me to put into words, so it will have to suffice for me to say that I really liked the feel of the place.

Unfortunately I was rather tired last night, so I didn’t get the full experience of the evening.  But lets run through the vitals.  A buffet is always a winner and Capello gave us a descent one: starter, mains and dessert, I found something I really liked in them all (although the dessert wasn’t a buffet).  The minestrone was simply delicious and, as an Afrikaner, I felt very much at home with the “rys, vleis en aartappels” selection from the buffet.  (Pasta with mussels and livers were also available, of which I obviously steered clear.)  I also thought the service was great: the waiters were really professional and “played” their role really well to fit into the restaurant’s theme with their fedoras.  They seemed competent, at ease and even as if they were enjoying themselves, which helps a lot to influence the vibe of the dining experience.  Sadly, the restaurant seemed indifferent to “strict” vegetarians, which is always a shame.  I cannot, however, comment on the restaurant’s menu proper, as I didn’t see it.

The talks were good and really had (and kept) my attention.  The “experimental talk” we had, though, promoted some severely subjective (and unfortunate) views, but at least there was full disclosure on this fact.  Henk Kleynhans did a good job with the slideshow karaoke, although whoever was in control of the slides did not seem to be, uhm, in control.

Last, but not least, was, of course, our generous wine sponsors Delheim who provided us with top quality wine.  Thanks guys, you’re awesome and I really enjoyed it!

So, that’s my story.  If you couldn’t make it this time, I hope to see you at the next GeekDinner!  A big thank you to everyone who had a hand in organising the evening and bringing everything together in the end.

Wash wash wash
The ebb and flow of light
Stirs me
And calms raw nerves.
Goodnight

http://twitter.com/wessven/status/4380635306

HM: Hi! Kan ek gou ‘n RW vragie vra?

me: goforit

HM: Ek’t al 3 mense gevra en niemand kan my sê nie… Ok here goes ek’t ‘n step-function/lookup function Pkill. Pkill het 5 waardes as my vliegtuigie invlieg, bereken ek sy afstand na die wapen toe. as die afstand binne ‘n sekere interval is, word ‘n sekere waarde uit Pkill aan hom toegeken bv. as hy 3 eenhede weg is, is Pkill=0.5 my vraag is….. moet ek die step function volgens ‘n spesifieke patroon define, bv [10,20,30,40,50] of kan ek iets soos [10,30,40,50] of [0,30,40,50] gebruik? en mk dit saak?!

me: ok, eerstens: daardie is by verste die coolste stuff wat iemand vir my nog vanuit tesiswerk vertel

HM: LOL

HM: Hi! Kan ek gou ‘n RW vragie vra?
me: goforit
HM: Ek’t al 3 mense gevra en niemand kan my sê nie… Ok here goes ek’t ‘n step-function/lookup function Pkill. Pkill het 5 waardes as my vliegtuigie invlieg, bereken ek sy afstand na die wapen toe. as die afstand binne ‘n sekere interval is, word ‘n sekere waarde uit Pkill aan hom toegeken bv. as hy 3 eenhede weg is, is Pkill=0.5 my vraag is….. [...]
me: ok, eerstens: daardie is by verste die coolste stuff wat iemand vir my nog vanuit tesiswerk vertel
HM: LOL

At present, many of my fellow masters students are in a rush to finish up their theses.  First opportunity hand-in deadlines have become a bit blurred and the ones aiming to hand in for the second opportunity are spurred on to finish up as quickly as possible.  So, there is a lot of hard work going on at the moment—well, sincere aspirations to hard work, at least.

Everyone has his or her own ways of blocking out distractions (even though the Internet usually voids these methods).  Many—if not most—of us turn to music.  There are many different tastes and schools of thought out there for what exactly is the best music for concentration: from jazz to Smashing Pumpkins; from Live and Muse to Swedish pirate metal (yes, that is a real genre).  Personally I have used baroque and KFM, among others, in the past.  But from the beginning of this year, I’ve also been moving towards a particularly niche taste.  I know of other people who use movie soundtracks to block out the rest of the world.  But I’ve turned to a particular flavour of game music; a genre which my flatmate tells me is akin to EBM (apparently).  This doesn’t mean that I’m becoming a goth, however.  But if you think about it a little, one realises that the right game music can be a perfect solution.  For big and popular games, the soundtrack is not haphazardly flung together, but rather it is carefully composed to fuse art and psychology.

Disclaimer: The following discussions may contain spoilers, even though it was not intended to be so.  If you plan on playing any of these games, perhaps skip them when reading through the list.

Here are the soundtracks I’m listening to at the moment and which I particularly like:

• Half-Life 2: The successor to the legendary FPS Half-Life, Half-Life 2 (and its subsequent episodic expansions) have strong dystopian overtones.  Playing Gordon Freeman, you have to lead the Earth’s resistance fighters to throw off the shackles of their trans-dimensional alien oppressors.  As a well-balanced FPS, it features some heavy battles at times.  Typically during these battles (usually when facing off against a “boss” creature), a specific music track would be played.  The music is designed to aid the gameplay experience: force concentration on the task at hand while helping the player’s adrenalin to start pumping.  The music is remarkable effective at this, and that is why I like it.  When it starts playing, I find myself completely focussed and amped for the task at hand.  My personal favourites are the tracks which come from Episode 2 (the second instalment of the episodic expansions).  Unfortunately the tracks from the original game are a little too short to be effective, but queued in sequence in a playlist it could still be useful.
• Portal: Portal shipped as part of the “Orange Box”, which also contained the games Half-Life 2 Episode 2 and Team Fortress 2.  Also a FPS, it is atypical as it trades violence for environmental puzzle solving.  In the game, you, the player, are trying to survive a series of experiments by a mad AI.  You are effectively a lab rat playing within lab conditions.  The music is non-intrusive and helps you to concentrated on solving the current puzzle, while also ever so slightly hinting at something deeper and sinister going on behind the scenes…
• Eve Online: I have to admit that I have never played Eve Online.  Even though I wanted to, I was warned that the game takes a lot of time to play properly and time is something I don’t have in abundance at the moment.  Eve Online is a MMORPG set in space.  Think “World of Warcraft with spaceships”.  Some of the in-game music tracks are available to download free from the Eve Online website.  The ambient music is peaceful and soothing, while other can get a player really riled up.  Its job is to help keep a player focussed on the task at hand for all the hundreds and thousands of hours necessary to play this game properly.
• Command & Conquer: The Command & Conquer series of RTS games was one of my first personal favourites.  Call me sentimental, but I really like Frank Klepacki’s work in these games.  Klepacki composed the bulk of music for the Command & Conquer games for years.  All the way through from Command & Conquer to Tiberium Sun (including the expansions), the music accompanies a player as he micromanages his base, defends his base from enemy attacks and plan attacks; something I’ve done for countless hours.  Starting in the mid 90’s, this is the oldest of this genre of music I have which I am discussing.
• Deus Ex: Bringing more nostalgia to the table, Deus Ex is another FPS featuring a strong story of a dystopian world on the verge of collapse and the conspiracy theories surrounding it all.  This game inaugurated the new millennium along with The Matrix.  The music highlights the gothic undertones of the game.

So that is my story for today.  If you know of any other similar music or games, I would appreciate it if you could let me know: I’m always looking to expand my cultural horizons!